Today, 6:30 pm:
In which I and the Slavering Beast walk to the park, are threatened by a squirrel, have a multicultural experience, and develop a complex–maybe.
1. With Squirrel:
Squirrel, glaring: THIS IS MINE.
Me: “Ok, that’s yours. Cool.”
Monster Hands: “OooOOaaahaaooo!”
2. With woman and small girl:
[Woman and small girl, aged 7 or thereabouts, walk over. Woman stands very close to me and pats Monster Hands on the cheek, rather suddenly and with surprising vigor.]
Woman speaks Asian language, Girl translates: “We like your baby!”
Me: “Thank you!”
Woman speaks Asian language, Girl translates: “How old is your baby?”
Me: “Three months.”
Girl: “My baby is one month.”
Me, to both: “You have a one month old baby at home?”
Girl: “Yes, his name is _____”
Me: “Congratulations!”
Monster Hands smiles, Woman laughs, delighted. Woman speaks Asian language.
Girl: “What is his name? Your baby is a boy.”
Me: “Monster Hands. Actually, she’s a girl.”
Girl, suddenly shocked and incredulous: “A girl, but WHY?!”
3. With Older Gentleman:
Gentleman: “Why hello! The baby waved at me!”
Me: “Hello!”
Gentleman: “Are you his Grandmother?”
(etc.)